Jake Gyllenhaal Kicks Pap

Did Jake Gyllenhaal need to kick this annoying pap or could he have gone about his business without resorting to physical assault? You just let them win when you do that stuff Jake.

Written by ßy O'uS on January 29th, 2009 with no comments.
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Pumpkinheaded Dumb-Ass Sued

Amanda Bynes is being sued along with several other motorists who were involved in a multi-car accident at an intersection in Beverly Hills two years ago. Bynes apparently can't drive for shit: Just last August she was involved in a second wreck in which the other driver was injured. Maybe Amanda has trouble holding up her massive head and therefore doesn't see the cars in front of her?

Written by ßy O'uS on January 29th, 2009 with no comments.
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Spot The Emaciated Freak

I love Lagerfeld's tie. That fucker is wide. Actually, is that really a tie or did he accidentally tuck a tablecloth into his collar and get up? I wish he'd slap that bitch Knightley right in the face. "And that's for that endless snoozefest The Duchess. And that's for those hideous Alba-bangs. And that's for stabbing me in the face with your cheekbone when we were air-kissing. Bitchbitchbitchbitch. Oh, Renfield, bring me a bag of O-negative. I'm feeling sluggish."

Written by ßy O'uS on January 29th, 2009 with no comments.
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Toasted Angie

"Hey look...I found your Benjamin button. Heeeeeee."

Written by ßy O'uS on January 29th, 2009 with no comments.
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Oh, Funny

Slumdog Millionaire actress Freida Pinto took advantage of her close encounter with Angelina Jolie at the SAG Awards to solicit advice from the world-wide media-whore on how to handle fame. "She was really wonderful to talk to and very supportive of newcomers," Pinto said of her brush with imagined greatness. "She was just like, 'Embrace it. Enjoy it and keep it real. Don’t get affected by all this. Enjoy every moment.'" Angie telling someone else to keep it real and not get affected? Oh fuck me. That's like Rosie O'Donnell telling someone to mix in a salad. Freida Freida. You didn't listen to her right? Good. Listen to me instead. Dearie: Lose the SAG Awards swag-bag. Bad form to still be carrying that. Makes you look...poor.

Written by ßy O'uS on January 29th, 2009 with no comments.
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Sure Joaquin

Joaquin Phoenix denies that his switch from middling acting to bad rapping is all part of some hoaxy multi-media art project experiment thingamabob, but insists he really means to become a musician. "The transition from one career to another is never seamless," said Joaquin's rep. "It should come as no surprise to anyone that Joaquin came from a musical family, in addition to winning a Golden Globe for his portrayal of Johnny Cash. He intends on exploring his musical interests despite speculative, negative or positive reactions." Did that rep really point to him winning a Golden Globe for pretending to be a singer as evidence of his musical credibility? It just has to be a bit. Joaquin the meta-performer. It's tiresome already, the whole does-he-mean-it-or-not schtick. It's like Andy Kaufman without the wrestling trunks.

Written by ßy O'uS on January 29th, 2009 with no comments.
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The Perils Of Piggyback

"That isn't warmth I feel trickling down my neck is it? I knew I shouldn't have let you get a large."

Written by ßy O'uS on January 29th, 2009 with no comments.
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What’s In The Box Whatsyername?

Julianne Moore boxes her career up and carries it back to storage. She likes to take it out sometimes and remember...

Written by ßy O'uS on January 29th, 2009 with no comments.
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