Folks, David Archuleta wants answers in his new single "A Little Too Not Over You," and he wants them now.
"Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth?" warbles our young hero in the glossy, angst-ridden video. Of course, this isn't to be confused with David's previous single, "Crush," which contained the line, "Why do I keep running from the truth?" Why do you, indeed, David.
In fact, that truth is a tricky subject for Archuleta. In the bridge to the chorus of this new one, he admits, "Sometimes I try to hide what I feel inside."
Sigh. David, no wonder the chick in this video you want us to think you were going steady with left your fancy 18-year-old ass. I, too, had girls swarming around me as a teenager. But they just never understood my fascination with Lisa Stansfield. It was the kiss curl, Archie. I wanted one of my own so bad.
By the end of the clip, David persuades the reluctant lass to take him from behind. But it's to no avail; the poor broad just doesn't have the right equipment to satiate the Idol runner-up, and she dumps him in a blind fury of shame, bitterness and frustration!
The singer then, in turn, proceeds to delete all her photos from his digital camera. Yeah...cold.
Following last week's Worst Singles Of 2008 list, D'luv and MoogaBoo have teamed up once again to bring you Chart Rigger's fourth annual roundup of the year's best.
But after sifting through to find the cream of the crop, we discovered we had a few tasty leftovers. Therefore, since it's the season of giving and we're feeling generous, below are the 10 best, plus the best of the rest!
10. Ne-Yo, "Closer" (U.K. #1, U.S. #7, AUS #8)
MoogaBoo says: "Ne-Yo could really do no wrong this year. Well, except for when he ran over that homeless hooker, backed up over her again, cranked the volume on the car stereo which was playing 'Closer,' then sped off with her wig still stuck to the exhaust pipe. That was wrong." D'luv says: "Mom?"
9. Coldplay, "Viva La Vida" (U.S. #1, U.K. #1, AUS #2)
D'luv says: "This decade's 'Everybody Wants To Rule The World.' No, really...!" MoogaBoo says: "I prefer the Almighty remake, as recorded by Cinnamon featuring Alisha King, but I can't fault the guy who wrote it. Bravo, Coldplay."
8. Cyndi Lauper, "Into The Nightlife" (U.S. Dance #1)
MoogaBoo says: "America, you mean to tell me you liked Old Gristle Arms' rotten candy more than this synth-y Cyndi anthem? Fuck off, I'm moving to Beliz." D'luv says: "I'd have actually given up beating off for a week for this to become a hit. I mean, thank God it didn't come to that, but, you know..."
7. Jordin Sparks & Chris Brown, "No Air" (U.S. #3, U.K. #3, AUS #1)
MoogaBoo says: "These two hambones really outdid themselves on a summery, feel-good duet. Even people under 40 liked it." D'luv says: "I still maintain that three-fourths of Jordin Sparks' album is an underappreciated masterpiece. Eh? Which songs in particular do I mean? Hell if I know what they're called."
6. David Archuleta, "Crush" (U.S. #2, CAN #7)
MoogaBoo says: "Until he turns 21, loses all prospects and is forced to star in the HOT Channel event Tasty's First Teaze, this will do." D'luv says: "Someday, when you're old enough, Archie, a big male stripper is gonna crush your head like a peanut between his thighs."
5. Katy Perry, "Hot N Cold" (U.S. #3, U.K. #4, AUS #4)
MoogaBoo says: "Yeah, she's annoying; also yeah, this song rocks and the video's a hoot." D'luv says: "This Max Martin/Dr. Luke jam is the closest thing to Hi-NRG to land in the U.S. Top 5 in years. Okay, not really, but I think I want that phrase on my gravestone."
4. Mariah Carey, "Touch My Body" (U.S. #1, U.K. #5)
D'luv says: "Now that Mariah's utterly insane, I'm just so proud of her." MoogaBoo says: "I love how shamelessly this goofball moos the word YooouTuuuube."
3. Kylie Minogue, "In My Arms" (GER #8, U.K. #10)
MoogaBoo says: "Calvin Harris' spiky production is as fuckable as he is. Oh, and Kylie's good, too. (Calvin, call me?)" D'luv says: "See, it's all about wearing the right jacket in the video."
2. Rihanna, "Take A Bow" (U.S. #1, U.K. #1, CAN #1)
D'luv says: "Yeah, yeah...you all expect 'Disturbia' to be on here. But this is the true test-of-time champion out of Rihanna's 37 singles this year." MoogaBoo says: "At once sassy and yet totally detached (but not as zombie-like as that sounds), Rihanna rode this mid-tempo jam straight to the center of my heart. Bonus points for sprinklers." 1. Chris Brown, "Forever" (U.S. #2, CAN #2, U.K. #4)
D'luv says: "Wrigley's tie-in? Who gives a shit. Undeniable from the first listen. And that's how good pop should be." MoogaBoo says: "When Chris Brown revealed the corporate adware behind his uplifting, state-of-the-dancefloor smash, I felt betrayed and raped. But in a good way. (Call me, Chris?)"
****
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Best Remix That Didn't Make Us Want To Hang The DJ: Alphabeat, "Boyfriend (Pete Hammond Mix)"
Best Diamond In A Sea Of Wank: Santogold, "Lights Out"
Best Residuals Check In Vince Clarke's Pocket: The Saturdays, "If This Is Love"
Best Excuse To Pretend You're Indie For Three Minutes, 49 Seconds: MGMT, "Electric Feel"
Best Single To End An Artist's Career On: Annie, "I Know Your Girlfriend Hates Me"
Best Follow-Up To A Subpar First Single Off An Album: Britney Spears, "Circus"
Best Miley Cyrus-Adjacent Non-Miley Cyrus Jam: Metro Station, "Shake It"
David Archuleta's album was put of for pre-order on iTunes this week, and as an incentive, you get his cover of Robbie Williams' "Angels" if you buy now. This self-titled trash is out November 11.
And before you even ask, hell no am I getting this shit! It's highly doubtful anything as classy as "Crush" will be on there.
Speaking of which, my second Daily Beast recommendation—a review of Archuleta's "Crush"—was posted yesterday. Quite frankly, that site was under-using the term "cougar, so they're just lucky I came along.
A few other random iTunes observations:
1. Can you believe Snow Patrol (#3) and Lady GaGa's (#4) albums are currently outselling Pink (#14)?
2. So is Toby Keith!
3. The Sam Taylor-Wood/Pet Shop Boys single "I'm In Love With A German Film Star" and its remixes are available at the U.S. iTunes store.
Pop kittens, D'luv flew to Austin, Texas, at an hour so un-Godly this morning that Courtney Love probably still hasn't rolled in yet from whatever crack-ditch she was holed up at all night back in L.A.—and it's almost 4 p.m. here.
Did that make sense? I don't think, but the booze is helping. I'm sitting in my fave Austin cafe/bar, The Spider House, where it's scruffy indie hipster central...where the all the boys look like they're in a band, and where all the girls look like they're boys.
In other words, I find myself blurting out, "Mom?!?" a lot here. It's a D'luvvly weekend of visiting my pal (and frequent Chart Rigger commenter) numbfromdrugs in grad school and hitting the Austin City Limits festival. (Somewhat disappointing lineup this year—Duffy canceled, but MGMT should be cool.)
So this week's Billboard Hot 100 chart: Pink! What happened? Can I get a "Holla!" on why all pop songs that hit #1 only seem to stay there for a solitary week, while we get Flo Rida and Soulja Boy dry-humping Fred Bronson for 13 weeks to stay on top?
Fuck if "So What" didn't drop to #2, and T.I.'s crap jam went back up. At least David Archuleta sucked off the right execs for "Crush" to hop from #30-something to #15 this week. Well, okay, it probably had more to do with the video arriving on iTunes and America's cougars downloading it to add an extra zing to their nightly vibe session.
Oh, that Kanye West "Love Lockdown" (#3 debut)...kinda okay? Ah, fuck it. At least maestro Max Martin's got two songs in the Top 10, with Katy Perry's "Hot N Cold" at #9 and Pink. (What is this, 1999?)
That said, thanks for the all the kindness on the Pet Shop Boysanniversary post for Very. You all rawk! It got some link-love from other sites, as well, so thanks to those broads, too!
Oh, well...thank Christ for tequila.
The U.S. Top 10:
1. "Whatever You Like" - T.I.*4 weeks* *airplay gainer* 2. "So What" - Pink 3."Love Lockdown'" - Kanye West *new* *hot shot debut* 4. "Disturbia" - Rihanna 5. "Love Story'" - Taylor Swift 6. "Paper Planes'" - M.I.A 7. "Closer'" - Ne-Yo 8. "Can't Believe It'" - T-Pain feat. Lil Wayne 9. "Hot N Cold" - Katy Perry 10. "American Boy" - Estelle feat. Kanye West
You guys know how much I love David Archuleta, well the official video for Crush is out. I really like it, it's very cute. I was worried that his label would try to change him, but they obviously didn't, he's the same innocent boy from American idol.
Well, hopefully Rihanna enjoyed her two-week stay atop the Billboard Hot 100 while it lasted. And, really, Ri, if you’re broke like they’re whisperin’ you are, best get to writing your own songs, anyway, and not having your boyfriend collect all the cash for penning “Disturbia.”T.I. flies up about 408 positions to #1 this week with “Whatever You Like,” making it the largest leap to the top of the Hot 100 since the Mesozoic Era. (Or was it 70 positions? I skipped math a lot in 3rd grade to shoot smack in the play room.)”Whatever You Like” is technically T.I.’s second #1, after appearing on Justin Timberlake’s “My Love” two years ago.Poor Baby Queen David Archuleta drops to #15 after debuting at #2 last week with “Crush,” leaving room for Pink to enter the Top 10 at #9 with “So What.” That makes Pink’s ninth Top 10 U.S. single (including…
Poor Taylor Swift. “Change” debuting at #10 on Billboard’s Hot 100 would have been quite a feat any other week. Unfortunately for the blonde truckstop hooker, David Archuleta’s “Crush” is the real story, landing at #2 in its first appearance on the chart.But here’s where it’s open to interpretation as to who gets bragging rights. After David Cook was coronated the winner of American Idol, “The Time Of My Life” entered the Hot 100 at #3. So, technically one position below Idol runner-up Archuleta’s “Crush.” (My post that week was lovingly titled “I Wouldn’t F*** This Chart With David Archuleta’s D***.”)However, “The Time Of My Life” had sales of 236,000 in its first week, while “Crush” sold only about 166,000. So in summation, David Archuleta has a nice mouth. Er, voice! Voice. What? 17? Quick, look, it’s Baby Queen on the set of the “Crush” video shoot from…
Children, the unthinkable has happened. It’s a nightmare. The shame streams forth from my soul like Katy Perry’s tongue flickering about in search of semi-soiled panties to lap up.D’luv has found himself smitten with none other than Baby Queen David Archuleta’s new single, “Crush,” after not watching more than half an episode of American Idol this past season.Apparently I’m not the only one, either—within 20 hours, “Crush” is the top-downloaded track on iTunes. Look for it to debut in the Top 10 of Billboard’s Hot 100 next week.Here’s the little vixen listening to his single get it’s very first airplay, on New York City’s Z100:”Crush” was produced and co-written by Emanuel Kiriakou, who also did up Nick Lachey’s “What’s Left Of Me” two years ago.That’s gotta be it. I was completely obsessed with that song back then. Give me a sappy, over-produced ballad with a decent chorus (yes, I’m…
Folks, David Archuleta wants answers in his new single "A Little Too Not Over You," and he wants them now.
By the end of the clip, David persuades the reluctant lass to take him from behind. But it's to no avail; the poor broad just doesn't have the right equipment to satiate the Idol runner-up, and she dumps him in a blind fury of shame, bitterness and frustration!
