If Simon Cowell Wants To Be A Real ‘Hero’, He Should Put On A Cape And Jump Off A Cliff

Oh, now, what a crying shame; Girls Aloud were only, uh, allowed one week atop the U.K. singles chart with "The Promise." Awww. But at least worthy, revered rock legends the X Factor Finalists were the ones to bump the Girls off, with their face-melting power jam "Hero."

Gosh, the guitar solo alone in that one gets me stiff. Plus, it's for a worthy cause; further ensuring Simon Cowell will be raping "talent" for at least four more seasons.

Speaking of shit television at its finest, I actually kind of like Leon Jackson's "Don't Call This Love"...so naturally it's a flop, falling to #20 in its third week.

Meanwhile, have you heard this godawful new Bond theme from Alicia Keys and Jack White (#10)? Lily Allen barfing into a shopping cart probably has more melody. I'm just gonna call it "Another Way To Suck."

Kudos to The Saturdays for hanging in there with "Up," which since its debut two weeks ago at #5, has only slid two positions to #7.

Unfortunately the Saturdays' album Chasing Cars—pretty superb for a debut, when it had the chance to be so, so bad—debuts this week on the Brit album chart at #11. Not that great, but maybe the single will hang in there and draw more attention to the full LP.

Yeah, and maybe I'll go thumb myself now.

The U.K. Top 10:

1. "Hero" - X Factor Finalists *1 week*
2. "The Promise" - Girls Aloud
3. "So What" - Pink
4. "Infinity 2008" - Guru Josh Project
5. "Sex On Fire" - Kings Of Leon
6. "Hot N Cold" - Katy Perry
7. "Up'" - The Saturdays
8. "Love Lockdown" - Kanye West
9. "Wire To Wire'" - Razorlight
10. "Another Way To Die" - Alicia Keys & Jack White

Written by D'luv on November 2nd, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Alicia Keys and Leon Jackson and Simon Cowell and The Saturdays and U.K. chart and X-Factor.

Gary Barlow, Keane And The Saturdays Have A Bloody Good Week

Well, one of those Gary Barlow-penned singles I mentioned last month—"The Winners Song"—charts this week in the U.K. at #2, as performed by "Geraldine," Brit comedian Peter Kay's drag character on his two-hour special Britain's Got the Pop Factor ... and Possibly a New Celebrity Jesus Christ Soapstar Superstar Strictly on Ice (which featured Pete Waterman as a judge).

In a bit of an ironic twist, just behind the reality-show-mocking Geraldine single on the chart is last year's X Factor winner Leon Jackson, who debuts at #3 with "Don't Call This Love." Should Jackson look this boffable with his new haircut? Hmmmm....

Also, besting the #8 chart placing of their debut single "If This Is Love" back in early August, The Saturdays return with "Up," which goes in at an impressive #5. This is what this new contenders for the British girl group throne needed to do to make a case for longevity. Let's see how the gal's album Chasing Lights does upon its release next week.

And speaking of which, Keane's Perfect Symmetry debuts atop the Brit album chart this week. Unfortunately, the same can't be said for Boyzone's Back Again—No Matter What, which settles for a #4 placing. Sorry, Ronan Keating...next time maybe drop your shorts on the record cover if you want us to buy your reheated collection of low rent dirges.

The U.K. Top 10:

1. "So What" - Pink *3 weeks*
2. "The Winner's Song" - Geraldine *new*
3. "Don't Call This Love" - Leon Jackson *new*
4. "Sex On Fire" - Kings Of Leon
5. "Up'" - The Saturdays *new*
6. "Take Back The City" - Snow Patrol
7. "Miss Independent" - Ne-Yo
8. "Disturbia" - Rihanna
9. "Raindrops (Encore Une Fois)" - Sash feat. Stunt *new*
10. "Girls" - Sugababes

Written by D'luv on October 19th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Boyzone and Gary Barlow and Geraldine and Keane and Leon Jackson and Pete Waterman and Take That and The Saturdays and U.K. chart.